Monday, December 15, 2008

Crazy plants (That will scare you to death)

If there is one thing mankind is great at, its finding the plant that will fuck you up the most! Sure, you've heard of "peyote" and "marijuana", those are childsplay compared to a few of these. I have done extensive research on the matter (research in the same way your older brother got you to try a cigarette.) Only this time it was the witch doctor shoving them down helpless victim's throats while patiently waiting behind a glass barrier, just in case their intestines exploded. They did.

Virolas - This is one of the more recently discovered hallucinogenic plants. It's a short bush with green glossy leaves. Don't go running around looking for thick glossy leaves just yet (unless you live in a tropical climate, such as Venezuala, Columbia, or Chile', that is.) This plant has been used to coat arrow tips for hunting, assuming hallucinating anything like this would be frightening enough to make a deer, or a man, or an elephant commit suicide. The Yekwana Indians of Venezuela in their preparation and use of the snuff in 1909 commented: "The hakudufha obviously has a strong stimulating effect, for immediately the witch doctor begins to sing and yell wildly, all the while pitching the upper part of his body backwards and forwards."

How is it used? They take the bark from the tree, pounded up into a paste, boil it in a small pot until all that remains is a fine powder, then it is used as a snuff... Like cocaine, but more bashittier. Mostly used by a shaman, (that's the guy that said he could heal stuff if only he had something to show him how) he blows the fine powder into the air, sniffs, and then snuffs it, as if breathing it in wasn't powerful enough. He has wild visions and convulsions, during which time he is said to be healing.

What does it do you you? I'm glad you asked. It is mostly used during a yearly ceremony memorializing those who have died the year before. There must be A LOT considering what they do for fun. What makes this ritual so crazy? Well, they take the calcined bones of their dead, grind them up with this powder drug, and blow massive amounts of it into each other's nostrils. When I say massive, I mean Robert Downy Jr. on a three day binge huge. Then the boys and men start to run around all crazy-like, flailing their arms holding weapons. Then, in order to prove how batshit crazy they are, they thrust thier chests out at a friend, who then pounds on it with pretty much whatever he can come across, usually a rock. After they draw some blood, which they have no idea just fucking happened, they squat down and do a hug sort of deal, then start screaming as loud as they can in each other's ears. Then they pass out for a half an hour and dream of crazy shit. As a review, let's take a look at all the effects of Virolas Snuff. The effects are felt within minutes from the time of initial use. First there is a feeling of increasing excitability. This is followed by a numbness of the limbs, a twitching of the face, a lack of muscular coordination, nasal discharges, nausea, and, frequently, vomiting. Fun times!

Something like that, with more you.

Dhatura and Dutra - This is a particularly potent example. Dhatura has been around for ages, it is considered an old world hallucinogen, commonly used in India, China, and Africa. It's highly toxic, and many people do themselves in while trying to reinact the sacred rituals of... getting completely wasted. It is a part of the nightshade family, where do you think they got the Pokemon from?. It has ben said that the Oracle of Delphi used this plant to intoxicate people. The intoxication effects of the plant canb last for several days, garunteeing you a nice cozu spot in the padded room. Don't forget your straightjacket on your way!

This will fuck you up.

How is it used? It was commonly used as an aphrodisiacin prehistoric and the "Ole Times", even today the seeds are mixed with food or tobacco for illicit use. Theives and criminals use it to "spice up" a vitcim, leaving them a heaping pile of human idiot. You can make tea out of the leaves and seeds, or you can eat the shit right out of the plant. Note: eating it right out of the [lant is a sure fire bet that you'll have to sit ina tree for three days staight. There was a time when they extracted the main chemical responsible for all evil known to man, and roll it up in cigarettes. The concoction relived the muscles around the brachial cavity, thus providing a great method of asthma control, ta-da! Either that or you rip your eyes out and face them into the back of your skull hoping you can catch the demons sneaking up on you.

What does it do to you? You really want to know? Alright then. Regarding Datura, among the Navajo is the folk admonition, "Eat a little, and go to sleep. Eat some more, and have a dream. Eat some more, and don't wake up." That sounds great and all, but what happens in between that whole "Have a dream" part and "Don't wake up" parts? The actual effects are reported to be extreme dilation of the pupil, flushed, warm and dry skin, dry mouth, urinary retention and ileus (slowing or stopping of intestinal movement), rapid heart beat, hypertension or hypotension, and choreoathetosis/jerky movements. Wow, ouch, sounds horrible, right? In case of overdose the effects are hyperthermia, coma, respiratory arrest, and seizures. Wow, it gets worse? The vast majority of atropine-poisoning, is followed by delirium, along with visual and auditory hallucinations. Sounds like a party, if you're a complete raving lunatic. If you survive it, you'll have one hell of a time explaining what the fuck is wrong with you! If you can speak, that is.

Simulated Datura effects.

Ayahausca and Caapi - Just two of the many local named for a giant South American vine that only grows in the jungles of Brazil, Colombia, Peru, Equador and Boliva. Fuck. So watch out when you're taking a trip around those areas, a giant pink flowered plant might just grab you. Or if anyone offers you a strange liquid called "Dopa", "Natema", "Pinde" or "Yaje", then run like your sanity depends on it.

How is it used? It's made into a drink. A bitter, nauseating, horrible, randcid consensed form of insanity. Some tribes, being more than completely batshit insane on any scale, alter the mix by adding other plants to increase the potency. It makes you so batshit insane, in fact, you would honestly believe you have "telepatic abilities", although we all know, there is no scientific basis for that. Source- CIA. It's used during the Ayahausca ceremony, which entails dancing around, and acting like a raving madman for hours on end.

What does it do to you? Well, if "Nightmarish visions" isn't floating your boat, try "violent reactions with sickening after effects" (read: intense vomiting and violent evacuation of everything you have eaten, ever.) Usually you get some visual hallucinations, in vibrant color. The drug brings on a sense of reckless abandon, creating a monster on par with the hulk, except you wouldn't be hurting anyone but yourself. No one can truly describe the effects of it, it varies from person to person. Some tribes mix up such crazy combonations, it's hard to tell exactly what is effecting you. There's one thing for sure, you'd have to be completely batshit off the wall insane to even try it.

Phil? You look....Different.

ARBOL DE LOS BRUJOS (Sorcerer's Tree) - That sounds scary already! It's used by the Mapuche Indian medicine men of Valdivia (Note: avoid Valdivia.). It's know to cause delirium, hallucinations, as well as permanant batshit insanity. This is intense stuff, and only the medicine man has the complete control of it! It is a closely guarded secret how they measure the correct dosage, our best guess was after a night full of insanity and sex, he used what was left over to poison his victim. I can only assume...

-Ari Racz

No comments:

Post a Comment