Wednesday, November 11, 2009

We're Overdue for a Spacewar!

So I was watching Star Wars the other day, ok, it was Starship Troopers.... FINE, it was Jason X.

 That has to be the best plan, ever.

That isn't the point, it's not important, shut up. The point is that it got me thinking to myself, "Damn! We need to have a badass space war!". I know what you're thinking, "Shut the fuck up Ari, you're crazy, why would we want more war?". Am I right? I'll tell you why, think of the advancements we have had as a direct result of war? Necessity breeds invention! There are many things that have been created as a direct result of war, advancements in medical and science industries that revolutionized the world. That is why we need to take the fighting into outer space! Lasers! Air-injected gatling guns! Proton missiles! We NEED it all! (Maybe not "need", per se, but it would be sweet!)
Sweet. (kinda, well it's a start)

Weapons are not the only thing we could take away from this whole "Star Wars" type encounter. No, there would be medical advancements that could literally extend our lives indefinitely. The field of robotics would certainly make a jump. I could use an R2-D2 myself, fuck C3PO, he's a bitch. Who wouldn't want a moon base to launch fighter ships from? We could also use it to boost tourism, while not blasting each other into deep space, or whatever.

Take robotics, for example. Since they have been introduced, modern robotics have done nothing more than just push through boundaries and wow the entire world. Now we have the technology to replace limbs, create bridges between our brains and a computer, even go places no human would dare to go, vicariously through a machine that is. The drive to make more and more advanced robots has only been fueled by wartime strategic opportunity. In the last four years we've had advancements during wartime that would dumbfound the latter generations. There are robots that can identify a friend or foe, carry a fallen comrade to safety, and even fly deep into enemy territory without a conscious ability to feel the fear that is with any human to do the same. Look at the Predator drones the army uses, they fuck shit up on a daily basis, all from something that looks like a flight simulator in a trailer.

 What could possibly go wrong?!

Space travel would be especially revolutionized. Once again, the need overpowers the means. For decades culture has wanted nothing more than to be able to ask one another, "So, Bill, what are you going to do this weekend", "I dunno, Chuck, maybe go to the moon for some awesome moongolf?" They would surely make hotels and resorts on every planet and moon discovered. "Have a weekend on mars, on us!" Overpopulation and religious control would certainly have a large impact on galactic expansion. Imagine entire planets ruled by a singular religion, inevitably starting a holy crusade, thus perpetuating the spacewar further into oblivion. Imagine countries trying to take over entire planets before anyone else (I claim Io!), remember the space race? Yeah, that was pretty exciting!
He totally sliced that.

As for weapons, it wouldn't be that hard to get something working in space. Air-injection guns, compressed gas cannons firing chunks of whatever... You'd literally never run out of ammo! Without all that gravity and absolute zero temps up there, lasers would rock! There would be railguns, and whatever that big fucking gun from Doom was, wait, it was a Big Fucking Gun... I hope there would be like, pancake guns too, that would just be too tasty to pass up...
Take THAT!

Any way you slice it (with a a laser!)we'd have some pretty nifty crap come out of a spacewar... Think Star Wars, but not a long long time ago somewhere that no one really knows where it is. We would definitely have stories to tell our grandkids about how we actually had to walk to the fridge, and the only robot we had was in the movies. Oh, and that we actually had to change the channel on the tv instead of just thinking about it.... Then again, we would actually know how to read, instead of downloading everything into our brains, so that's a plus... Right?
Whoa. I know tai chi.

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