Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Scrappy is the spawn of satan (Actually his dog)

Sure, we all hate the little prick. Some of us might even want to assault him. (Add cook and eat if you live in Taiwan) But the thing is, most of us don’t know why we hate him. That’s where I step in.

Being an openly avid Scooby fan, having seen every single episode of the original run, I feel I am most qualified to lay the truth on you. Scrappy-Doo is the son of Satan’s dog. Are you really surprised? He tries to fight everything. The pup opened Pandora’s box for fuck’s sake! He literally unleashed every demon and evil spirit contained in the most evil thing ever created. Just to put it into perspective, Scooby and Shaggy always ran away from anything, even grasshoppers. Scrappy, on the other hand, would run headlong into any situation.
Something like that.

Literally, any situation. House on fire, full of zombies on fire, with mutated leeches, and Leatherface? Scrappy is there knocking on the front door.
Don't worry, Scrappy's in there.

Yes, he was even more annoying than Scooby-Dum (Who was clearly retarded).

First of all, no one likes Scrappy. Look at the movie they made, he was the villain.He transformed into a hulkish monster from hell.
More like scrappy douche.

If anyone knows the story behind Pandora’s box, which I’m sure you have some idea about the myth. Scrappy was not the one who originally opened the thing, it was Pandora. The box contained all the evils, ills, diseases, and burdens that have plagued mankind from that point on. So you see how stupid Scrappy really is, seriously, he’s a few notches below Scooby-Dum.

Because he opened the box, they had to team up with Vincent Price... That's right, Vincent Price was the only man on the planet willing to help poor Scooby out.
I still can't decide if he's creepier as a cartoon.

So you can plainly see the separation between the two. I honestly believe Scooby-Dum wouldn’t even bother to open the box, but play with a bunch of the other cooler, less evil crap laying around the place.
Like books, which he couldn't read.

At least Scooby-Dum didn’t try to get anyone into trouble. He just ended up doing it on accident, but it seemed to work out well. Scrappy on the other hand, did it all on purpose. Like he wanted to collect on Scooby’s vast fortune of Scooby Snacks.
Is it worth murder? Scrappy thinks so.

So next  time you run into Scrappy. Give him the cold shoulder. Or better yet, a kick to the solar plexus. That'll show him what "puppy power" really is!

-Ari Racz

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